Hot Oil Aromatherapy

Till now, despite the numerous massages which I have had, I have never had a Hot Oil Aromatherapy Massage. Sarah has had one before (she is looking over my shoulder as I write this so I better watch my words) but always poo-pooed the idea whenever I suggested it. Now I know why.

We were in Let's Relax (our favourite Thai massage parlour) and we asked for the Heavenly Relax package - which is foot reflexology followed by a 2 hour Thai herbal massage. To our surprise, they were fully booked and didn't have any spare beds for the Thai herbal massage. As we were determined to have a massage every day we were in Phuket, we were left with little choice but to try a different package. And hence, I got my opportunity to try the hot oil massage.

Hot Oil Aromatherapy is probably the most famous of massages as movies and TV generally show this type of massage. Before you start, you take a shower and then put on a pair of blue pants (Sarah says they are black but I think she is colorblind) which are provided for you. Then you lie down, face up, on a massage couch, lay a towel over yourself and wait for the masseuse.

After the masseuse arrives, the massage itself starts innocuously enough. The masseuse rubs her hands with the oil and holds it over my nose for a moment so that I can breath in the aroma of the lemongrass flavored oil. Then she starts to massage my shoulders and arms. And then things start to "heat up" for lack of a better word.

She starts to massage my chest by running her hands under the towel. As she ran her hands over my chest (more specifically my breasts!), I couldn't help but think "Allo, do women get the same treatment?" (Sarah says they don't).

Next up was my abdomen aka my fat belly. However, before she could massage my stomach, there was the small problem of the towel covering me. Being highly experienced, she knew exactly what to do. Whisking away the towel, she exposed my stomach and pants.

Clearly, when I put on the pants, I pulled them up too high as the first thing the masseuse did was to pull them down a bit lower. Only a bit lower though as it wasn't long before the pants got stuck on "something" (although she didn't immediately realise this). Anyway, she's yanking away at my pants while I'm thinking "hey lady - stop pulling, they won't go any lower" (if you don't know why, I suggest you look up a biology book - specifically the chapter on male anatomy). Eventually, she realises that the pants are stuck and stops yanking long enough to start massaging my abdomen.

Once the front of my body had been well massaged, she held up the towel and told me to turn over. I was now lying face down on the couch with a towel covering my lower back and legs.

After massaging my back, it was time for my left leg. She moves the towel covering my legs to reveal my left leg. Again, I clearly don't know how to put on a pair of pants as the first thing she does is to adjust them. She grips the edge of the pants and pulls them up and sideways until its nestling right in the crevice between my buttocks (kind of like a wedgie but not as hard!).

Now that she has my bottom sufficiently exposed, she starts to massage my left buttock. This continues until she gets bored and switches to my right leg (and corresponding buttock). A whole new meaning to the phrase "turn the other cheek".

So that was my experience of Hot Oil Aromatherapy - highly enjoyable I'm sure you'll agree. However, I'm not sure I would repeat the experience as there was one thing which troubled me at the time and which still troubles me now.

After service like that, am I supposed to give a bigger tip?