Gerry and the bubble blower

And so we reach the final part of Gerry's Easter vacation!

I mentioned last time that we took Gerry to Stanley. Before we went to Stanley, we went to Toys'r'Us and bought a bubble blower. Nothing fancy - just the cheap version which you have to blow manually (admittedly, I much prefer this version. I see some really fancy bubble blowers in the shape of a gun where all you do is press a button. Quite frankly, whats the point? Surely its much more fun to blow the bubble yourself?!).

Anyway, Gerry really loved the bubble blower. At first, he had some trouble blowing bubbles as he couldn't line up his mouth properly. However, after a while and a bit of guidance from his mother, he was soon blowing bubbles like a pro!




And a quick video of Gerry running around, blowing bubbles and then trying to burst them. He so cute!




What you don't see in the video is another older boy who wanted to play with the bubble blower as well. The other boy was slightly older and taller than Gerry but quite broad in the shoulders. At first, he would run after the bubbles to try and burst them as well and he crashed into Gerry (or vice versa) a couple of times during this. Naturally, Gerry always came off worst in the encounter as he was smaller. However, Gerry would always grin and stand back up to continue chasing bubbles.

Harmless enough right? Not quite. I noticed that the other boy wasn't just running into Gerry - he was actively, yet surreptitiously, sticking out a hand to push Gerry over! The first time I noticed this, I asked him to stop. However, he chose to ignore me. As they were running around chasing bubbles, I saw the other boy run up behind Gerry and try to push him over again. Just like before, he tried to do this very sneakily and pretend that it had nothing to do with him.

Naturally, I wasn't going to stand for this. I grabbed the other boy by the arm and pulled him aside. I then gave him my patented Jokemeister grimace (and if the expression looks familiar, it's because I practice that snarl by looking in the mirror and pretending I'm constipated...) and growl at him:

"I already told you not to push my son. Don't do it again. I will not warn you a third time. Do you understand?"

The boy gives me a frightened look before stammering out "yes". As I let go of his arm, I can't help but smile as he immediately runs off while yelling out "Mommy!".

Of course, the funny thing is that this kind of threat really only works on small children. Anyone smarter will know that there is nothing that I can do - I mean, its not like I'm gonna beat up a 3 year old kid now am I!!

Still, he doesn't know that does he.
>:D

New Year's Resolutions

I'm not a big believer in making resolutions at New Year. In my opinion, making a resolution at New Year just doesn't work.

To understand why, you have to understand why you are making the resolution in the first place. Most people get to New Year and then think "Oh, its New Year! I need to make a resolution. It also has to be something good. Now, lets see, what can I do?". In my experience, the most common resolutions I hear are:

1. I will go on a diet this year;
2. I will do more exercise this year;
3. I will eat more healthy food this year.

The problem with this is that you are making a resolution for the sake of making a resolution. It could be due to peer pressure (everyone else is doing it!) or feeling guilty over stuffing your face during the Xmas period. However, the fact remains that you are making a resolution for the sake of having a resolution.

Another problem with most New Year's resolutions is that people give very wishy washy resolutions (like the ones above). Think about this - your resolution is to go on a diet for a whole year? What happens next year - are you allowed to stuff your face like a pig again or is the diet resolution one that is made every year?

The problem is that when most people make New Year's resolutions, they don't give any real thought to how they are going to achieve that resolution. As any counsellor will tell you, if you set yourself a goal, it has to be specific. For example, instead of saying I will go on a diet this year, you should set yourself a goal of losing 20lbs (depending on your weight obviously!!). You should then set yourself an action plan so that you can actually go about losing those 20lbs.

Under conditions like this, is it any surprise that most New Year's resolutions end up failing?

This isn't to say that New Year's resolutions can't ever work. They can work - if you make the effort in properly setting your targets and milestones and then plan out how to practically achieve those milestones. In other words, treat your New Year's resolution with the respect that you would give to any other lifestyle change.


Anyway, the reason that I'm talking about New Year's resolutions is because a friend of mine has just told me that he has made a resolution to eat more healthy food this year. Ding ding ding - that's number 3 on my list above!! This endeavor is doomed to failure!!


Only joking!
In all seriousness, I wish him all the best in meeting this resolution. In particular, I hope some of my comments above make him realise that if he is serious, he will need more than good intentions. In short, I hope that this will help him in achieving his goal.
I also want him to know that if he doesn't make it, I will publicly name and shame him on this blog.
:p

Enforcing my diet

I told you before that I'm on a diet. Well, sometimes, you have to force yourself to follow that diet - despite public pressure. And sometimes, you can rig the system to avoid public pressure altogether!

While I was in Guangzhou over the last couple of days, a group of us went out for dinner. As is the norm when you have a large group of people in a chinese restaurant, we ordered way too much food. We're at the tail end of the meal and there is still a large plate of prawns remaining. The problem is that everyone is already full. At the same time, no-one likes to waste food.

What to do?

We decided to let fate decide who should eat the prawns. To understand this next bit, you have to realise the setup on a large table in a chinese restaurant. Basically, you all sit at a large round table. This facilitates conversation by the whole group. Food is placed on a large plate in the middle of the table. This plate can spin so that even if food is on the other side of the table, all you need to do is spin the plate so that you can reach the food. It's a good system.

By now, you can probably guess what we did. We spun the plate and decided that wherever the plate stopped, that person would have to eat one prawn. The colleague on my right starts the process and spins the plate.

The plate spins round once and then starts to slow down. I'm looking at the plate and thinking, "crap, that looks like it will stop at me!". Luckily for me, everybody's attention is on the spinning plate of prawns. While their attention is diverted, I lay my hand on top of my chopsticks (in a very natural manner - I'm a natural actor!) and surreptitiously push one of my chopsticks forward slightly.

I didn't push it very far or very hard. Just enough so that the chopstick is sticking against the spinning plate and creating extra fiction. The speed of the plate slows down even more and stops ... facing the girl to my left! We all laugh and she grabs a prawn.

However, we still have a large plate of prawns left. So we repeat the game. Once more, based on the speed of the plate, I suspect it will stop facing me. So once again, I surreptitiously push forward my chopstick so it is sticking against the spinning plate. And once again, it stops facing the girl to my left! The poor girl hadn't even finished eating the first prawn yet!

Three prawns later, we all decide that the game is too cruel. And noone realised that throughout the game, I was rigging the result.

>:)

What can I say - I'm on a diet!

Psychology and me

I love this article primarily because it is politically incorrect. What's great is that it is (apparently) all 100% true in that the statements can be confirmed by scientific evidence!

Anyway, according to documented scientific evidence, I am likely to be sexist, ugly and only got a wife because all the better guys were already taken. I am likely to cheat on my wife possibly during my mid-life crisis - and its her fault for not being blonde. Luckily for me, despite the above, it is unlikely that I will be divorced.
:)

Just in case you didn't get all that, here is a breakdown:

• Point 10 says that men sexually harass women because they are not sexist. To my knowledge, I have never sexually harassed anyone (male or female!) so I guess that makes me a sexist.
• Point 6 says that beautiful people have more daughters. Currently, I only have a son and no daughters hence I am ugly.
• Point 3 says that men benefit from monogamy because even ugly men can get (relatively) better spouses. Its already been established that I am ugly.
• Point 9 says it is normal for men to risk everything for an affair. Besides, according to point 2, I'm naturally polygamous. So this means that I am likely to cheat on my wife (maybe cos I prefer blondes as per point 1!).

Despite all the above, point 5 says that having sons reduces the likelihood of divorce. Saved by Gerry!!

Woohoo! Time to go philandering!

Male = Macho

One thing you can pretty much guarantee is that most men are macho pigs. We will do any stupid thing if we think it makes us look like big macho guys. I was reminded of this yesterday during dinner.

As you know, some of my friends are over from the UK. Yesterday, we went to Balalaika - this russian restaurant located in Knutsford Terrace. Now, one of the more unique features of this restaurant is that it has a cold room. Basically, the room is set at -20 degrees. Once in there, the idea is that you can have a shot of vodka and appreciate why the russians like drinking vodka so much. The restaurant provides you with furry hats and jackets and you can put these on before going into the cold room if you are afraid that it will be too cold.

Except, one of the guys, being from chilly Glasgow, said that "-20 degrees? Thats not that cold - I can go in just wearing my short sleeved shirt".

Game on baby!

As a result of this one statement, the four of us trooped into the cold room without putting on any of the furry hats or jackets. At which point, we all started to shiver. We have photographic evidence of this as we tried to take a picture - didn't turn out too well though as the photographer was shivering!

Not long after, one of the guys immediately rushed out to put on a furry hat and jacket. Naturally, being macho guys, the rest of us immediately slagged him off silly. I tell ya - you could cut the testosterone in there with a knife - admittedly, mainly because it had frozen ...

At that point, it became a contest to see who could shiver the least. You could see everybody eyeing up the other person to see how badly they were shivering. Luckily for me, I had a t-shirt and long sleeved shirt on (what I wear to work) whereas the others were all in short sleeved shirts.

I was able to tough it out until the wimps said "okay, lets go back out now". Losers!

Victory for moi! Me is lion - hear me roar!
>:)

Train etiquette

Although I have been living in Hong Kong for over 10 years now, some stuff I just can't get used to. One of these is the absolute lack of basic manners shown by some people in HK. This manifested itself again yesterday when I was on the MTR (the name of the underground system in HK).

For those who live in HK, or have visited HK and travelled on the MTR, you can probably already guess what I am going to talk about. For those who haven't, let me first give a little background.

The MTR platform in HK contains very clear markings showing people where the train will stop and where the doors are. This makes it easy for people to queue up in preparation for the trains arrival. The queue-up areas are on both sides of the door so that the central area is kept clear. The idea being that people on the train have a clear exit to get off the train before people on the platform board the train.

However, what really bugs me is that 9 times out of 10, as soon as the train arrives, everyone tries to rush into the train without waiting for people to get off. Despite being happy to queue up in the first place.

First off, I would like to say - LET ME OFF THE F$#KING TRAIN FIRST!!

Secondly, why are people happy to wait in the queue-up area if they are only going to rush the doors as soon as the train arrives? It just doesn't make sense! The whole point of having the queue-up area off to the side is so that people don't obstruct passengers trying to get off the train!

So yesterday, I was on the MTR (inside the train) and we pull up to the station. I am already standing at the door getting ready to get off the train as soon as it stops. Now bear in mind that I am carrying lots of stuff. I had my sports bag (playing squash that evening) as well as my wifes suitcase (she takes a lot of stuff home to work on in the evenings). So basically, I take up a lot of room (I swear, its the bags I have to carry - its nothing to do with me being fat!).

As is the norm, I can see lots of people in the queue-up area getting ready to rush the train doors as soon as they open. However, there is one woman who is standing right in the middle of the central area - the area which is supposed to be kept clear for passengers to get out first. As soon as the train pulls in, she shuffles forward even more - getting ready to rush in. As soon as the doors open, sure enough, she tries to push past me to get into the train (despite the fact that I am a full head taller than her).

So what is a guy supposed to do in a situation like that?

Quite frankly, with all the stuff I was carrying, I was in no mood to be polite or accommodating. I just squared my shoulders and walked straight out the train doors. As I said, I was a full head taller than her and as I walked forward, her head rammed straight into my shoulders. I want to repeat that - her head ran into my shoulders - I didn't deliberately ram her with my shoulders (on a side note, don't you just love Einstein and his theory of relativity?).

She gasped in shock as her head bounced back, the impact causing her to stagger backwards. For a moment, it looked like she might fall over - but alas, at the last minute, she managed to steady herself. I'm guessing she shot me a dirty look while cursing me extensively before rushing back into the train.

Me - I just laughed and kept walking.
>:)

Driving etiquette

I really enjoy driving - for me, it can be fun and relaxing. Today, I had one of those happy moments where I am really thankful that I have my own car and get to drive.

Before I tell you what happened, let me first give you some background. The estate I live in is a little isolated as its halfway up a mountain. To get to it, you have to drive over these winding mountain roads which seem to go on forever - very idyllic. You can find an artists impression to the right (can I still call it an artists impression if I'm such a bad artist?).

When you finally get to the estate, you have to drive up another winding section of road inside the estate which goes upwards in a circular direction in order to get to the car park. It is quite tight in that section and the speed limit signs all show 8km/h (although everyone drives at around 20-30km/h - hey, its not that tight!). However, the design of the road means that it isn't possible to overtake during this portion of road. Our estate provides a shuttle bus. However, due to the narrow road, the management will stop any cars from going up or down the car park road while the shuttle bus is there.

Anyway, I was on the way home and get to the front of the estate. At this point, I get told that I have to wait as the shuttle bus is coming down. Meanwhile, another car pulls in behind me. He then beeps his horn. Thats right - he beeps his horn. Despite the fact that he should know better (I can tell he is a resident in the estate as he has a residents pass to get to the car park).

Now this kind of stuff really bugs me. In general, drivers in this city have awful driving etiquette (and many of them are poor drivers as well). Of course, being the evil and vengeful git that I am, I wasn't about to let this slide.

As soon as the shuttle bus passes, I start to drive up the road to the car park. Slowly. Very slowly (and if you have ever driven a car, you will know exactly how slow 8km/h is). All the way up to the car park, the other driver is right behind me and I can see him straining his head to see if he can find a way to overtake me. He can't. This really frustrates him and his mood isn't helped by my constant braking to ensure I don't go over the speed limit (did you know that its very hard to drive that slowly?).

The expression on his face made it all worthwhile.

As I said, I really enjoy driving.

>:)